Inexpensive Date Ideas

Today I am going to answer a question we got from a reader: “What are some cheap dates or outings that my husband and I could do for some free time?” In John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he discusses the “emotional bank account” that we fill with emotional savings to be able to turn towards each other, instead of away, when life gets stressful or there is a particular incident occurring. He goes on to discuss that we fill our emotional bank account by doing activities together and communicating. As newlyweds you may have a tighter budget, particularly if you are still in school or needing to make large purchases such as a home or cars. The good news is that I have worked on a list of things my husband and I enjoy doing that are free, or close to free and I have also found a few resources that offer fun date ideas.

· Go on walks through your neighborhood or find a nearby trail to hike, if you live close to some.

· Pack a picnic and a Frisbee/baseball/football and have dinner and a game in the park

· Dollar movies. (or $2 movies if you live by us.. false advertising I tell ya!)

· Have a movie marathon. Buy your favorite treats, pile every blanket and pillow you own on the floor and watch some movies.

· Find any museums or galleries that offer discount or free days to the public.

· Read books to each other.

· Visit historical buildings and homes in your city. Some may offer tours so you can call ahead and make reservations if needed.

· Play video games together (my husband’s favorite).

· Visit the planetarium. Most offer free admissions except to the shows.

· This website has listings of all free admission days for Utah Museum of Fine Art, Red Butte Garden, Hogle Zoo, Museum of Natural History and Discovery Gateway Children's Museum http://www.zap.slco.org/zapArts/html/generalInfo/freeEvents.html

· Nifty Date Ideas has TONS of dates broken up into categories depending on what kind of mood you may be in that day! http://www.niftydateideas.com/

· Groupon is a great way to save on more expensive dates and outings. www.groupon.com

I really enjoyed this article, http://foreverfamilies.byu.edu/Article.aspx?a=157 I think this does a very good job at explaining the benefits of couples spending time together and why it matters. I keep it bookmarked and reread it every once in a while to help remind me of important things. My list is just the beginning of activities that will help you build memories and save money. I hope these ideas can give you some inspiration for your own dates. What are some fun dates that you enjoy?

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Three Rivers Press.

Newlyweds on a Budget: Blog Review

There are many people that offer their knowledge about different specific topics. For me, this is my knowledge about finances.  Like most people, they turn to the online world to spread their knowledge about a certain topic.  Blogs are a popular form to use so I have taken the time to research a blog that I believe that could help better your marriage and life.

“Newlyweds on a Budget” is written by a real couple that has experienced many obstacles while in their newlywed years.  They have accumulated many debts prior to marriage and have shared their experiences they’ve gone through to overcome these obstacles while giving tips as how to better your life.  In other words, they are teaching you how to learn from their mistakes so you do not have to go through what they do.

“Living a BIG life on a small budget” is the subtitle they have chosen to describe what their blog is about.  This cannot be truer about a newlywed life.  And I am sure that all of you wish you could live on the “bigger side” of life when you first start out.  However, most of you may have or are struggling with a little thing called debt.  This can range from student loans, car loans, and credit card debt.  The one good thing about “Newlyweds on a Budget” is that the writers of this blog, Eric and Erika, track their own personal blog so you can follow along with them and see how well they are controlling their own debts over time with their blog.

I have really enjoyed reading their blog and highly recommend it if you do have questions or concerns about your finances with your spouse.

1.      Quality of content: The quality of content on each blog post is exceptional.  Erika is the main author who provides her experiences and knowledge about their own experiences and how they have made the most out of the opportunity that has presented to Eric and Erika.   

2.      Format: The format of the blog is another thing that I look at when reviewing blogs.  This is the layout of how they setup their blog but it also can be the type of content they have on the main page and the advertisements they select.  The one thing that I like about this blog is the content they have added to the main page.  For one, they have tips as how you can become successful in the financial aspect of marriage and how you can make extra money on the side.  One thing that Erika is determined to do is make a side income from side jobs such as Mystery Shopping, Surveys, and the advertising on their Blog.  She adds link as how you can do what she does in order to give you that extra income on the side.  Overall, the content added is there to give you a convenient to better your life.

3.      Quirk, Eclectic charm of Blog: This blog certainly has a quirky feeling to it.  An off topic posts are the book reviews of any book that they read and just give their opinion on it.  Which I find a different approach towards finances, to me it kind of feels like it is a way to get away from the stress of finances and enjoy something new rather than all about finances.  As stated before, they have added a tracking sheet as to how well they are dealing with their debts which I find helpful, just for the fact that they are letting you follow how they are dealing with their debts so you can see their tips put to use towards a real-life application.  Finally, the tone that the authors use in posts.  It is not demeaning and just a relaxing feel towards the subject of matter.

Low-income couples are more likely to get a divorce (Fein, 2004).  This blog helps you not to be inept towards your finances so that you can stay in the positive while you deal with your own debts but also gives you a feel as how they use their own knowledge towards their personal lives.  I highly recommend this blog for those who wish to earn some extra money and to better their life financially. After all don’t us all do want to live BIG?!

http://www.newlywedsonabudget.com/


Fein, David J., Ph.D., (2004), Retrieved from http://www.mdrc.org/publications/393/workpaper.html

Miss Now Mrs.com

There is tons of information out there on the Internet and we have taken it upon ourselves to bring you great information. One way to help you find the best information is by recommending other blogs that you may find helpful when it comes to navigating the newlywed world.

A blog that I would like to recommend is: missnowmrs.com/Newlywed-Blog
The time that I spent on this blog I actually really enjoyed and learned a lot! I would like to discuss why I think you guys should check this blog out when looking for answers. 

1)   This blog exceeds meeting the needs of young newlyweds! It is a great place to turn to for information and the needs that they ascribe to are many. Some of the categories listed on the side panel that immediately stuck out to me included: financial matters, in-laws, newlywed needs, relationships, name change after marriage, around the house, etc (Name Change Experts, 2007). As a newlywed myself I see many things on that list that I currently have questions about and it is exciting to see a place I could turn to for answers.

2)   Research based information is important to find when it comes to gaining information from the internet. It is very easy to be misled by those who come off as experts when they are no such thing. This is why we need to be careful when it comes to relying on information from the internet. We need to be sure the information is correct and reliable! This blog began in 2007 as an aid for newlyweds in the name changing process. Later they began a successful business in 2008 and are an accredited business by the BBB. They have continued to fill their blog with very good information. Their posts align with research very well. Although, they are still entertaining to read!

3)   The great thing about this blog that I found very quickly is the fact that their posts seem so easy to apply in everyday life! Being a newlywed myself I find some advice overwhelming and too complex to really apply it in my everyday life. But, this blog is not set up that way. Their posts are short, sweet and concise. I feel as if they get to the point quickly of how they can help and give real life advice.

4)   Finally I would like to discuss the quality of writing. I already mentioned to some degree how helpful the blog is when it comes to finding everyday advice and I would like to elaborate further on the writing. The authors write as though they are having a conversation with their reader, which makes it fun and easy to read. It is easy to like to writers and feel connected to them.

Name Change Experts. (2007). Newlywed blog. Retrieved from http://www.missnowmrs.com/Newlywed-Blog/

Myths About Marriage

As you are going through your early marriage or are counting down the digits to your wedding date you are probably wondering what marriage will be like and how to have a successful one. We all have preconceived notions about marriage based loosely around our parents, friends, or other marriages we have witnesses throughout our lives. Here are some useful tips on separating the myth from the truth:

1. Communication is all we need

I’m not discrediting communication to be an important aspect of your marriage. The truth is, though it is important, communication alone it is not the “golden key to marital stability and domestic happiness” (Hilsdale, 1962). You must be aware that there is more to keeping your marriage together such as patience, perseverance, selflessness and friendship before you can develop a harmonious relationship.

2.Individual personality problems are a deal breaker

            So, you’re married now and you find out that your partner has this really strange habit that just really weirds you out. You’re wishing you would have known about this earlier and already starting to wonder how you are expected to live with this unusual habit. The truth is, we all have our crazy buttons and our irrational fears. Marriage isn’t about marrying a “normal” person, it’s about marrying someone with whom you fit.  As long as you can “accommodate each other’s strange side and handle it with caring, affection, and respect,” you and your marriage will thrive (Gottman & Silver, 1999).

3. As long as we enjoy doing the same things we’ll be good

            Yes, spending time together is great but it all depends on how you feel while doing those activities together. You both might like to run, but every time you go out it turns into a competitive race and someone always get’s their feelings hurt. The Truth is, you should either set down some guidelines or find a different activity to do together if your shared activities result in hurt feelings.

4. A kiss for a kiss

            You may think that you have to respond to every positive act your partner does for you. He kisses you, you kiss him, you write him love notes, and he writes you- constantly reciprocating each other’s actions. The truth is, keeping a tally of who does what will actually result in an unhappy marriage. You should do something nice for your spouse because you feel good about your marriage and want to show your love. Don’t do these things because you want your spouse to do something nice for you.

5. Don’t avoid conflict, tell it like it is

            You may have been lead to believe that upfront, confrontational conflict resolution is beneficial to your marriage. The truth is, this is not best for all marriage as couples have different styles of conflict. No one style is better than another as long as you mutually understand what works for your relationship. But, If you want to get in your car, blast your music and drag main while your spouse wants to sit down and talk it out- you’re going to have some trouble.  Try to find the best way you and your spouse can handle conflicts and go with whatever feels right between the two of you.

6. Men are not biologically “built” for marriage

            Way back when the human race was worried about it’s existence, men were looking for as many mates as possible (to ensure continuing the species) and women were looking for a man who could protect and provide (to ensure survival of the species). The truth is, “the frequency of extramarital affairs does not depend on gender so much as on opportunity” (Gottman & Silver, 1999).  This is obvious when you look at how many women now work outside of the home, because of this the number of “affairs of young women now slightly exceeds those of men” (Gottman & Silver, 1999).

Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. (pp. 13-17). New York, NY: Crown Publishers.

Hilside, P. (1962). Marriage and family living. National council of family relations, 24(2), 137-143. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/347003

The Big Picture

Welcome to our blog and congratulations on becoming newlyweds.  Getting married is without a doubt the one of the most important events that will happen in your life.  Many things are interlinked with marriage such as parenting, relationship stability, and financial stability.  I will be focusing on the aspect of finances and the big picture that comes along with a financially stable marriage throughout this blog. 

There are many parts to look at when it comes to your finances such as: assets, debts, retirement planning, investments, and especially budgeting.  In my opinion, budgeting is the most important concept to discuss as a newlywed for present and future plans.  Over the next couple of weeks I will be going over some of the important aspects that I feel you need to know as a newlywed to enjoy a happy and financially stable marriage.

As a couple, both of you need to know exactly where you are with your money as well as what you want to do with it.  Couples tend to have different ideas of what they want out of their money, for example, one partner might wish to take an extravagant vacation to Hawaii while the other partner might want to save up for a new car.  This is where a conflict may arise.  As a couple, you must be able to sit down and discuss with each other.  This also shows the different values that each partner has.  Here is where the problem of a potential divorce arises.  NY Times journalist, Catherine Rampell, says that disputes over finances can lead up to divorce.  Whereas most couples surveyed stated that communicating about finances prior to marriage and throughout is highly unavoidable and should be discussed regularly so that both of you are on the same page.

Retirement planning is something that should be carefully planned early on.  This will be discussed in a later post but having the right planning to be in the right position when it comes time to retirement is important so you can enjoy your “Golden Years”.  Questions may arise such as:

·         “What Company should I take advantage of a 401(k)?”

·         “How much should I put towards my 401(k)?”

·         “Is the amount invested towards my 401(k) sufficient enough to let me enjoy life upon retiring?”

·         “When should I start a 401(k) plan?”

Each question should be considered carefully when planning for retirement.   As stated above, this will be discussed later but I just wanted to give background information as for you to know what to expect.

Big purchases/investments are another important thing to discuss together as a couple such as: buying a home,  buying a new car, investing in stocks, and the investment of your time, energy, and money towards having a family.  Which, I believe, that all of you will plan to do at least one if not all of these sometime in your life.  This can also be seen as assets and potentialldebts.  Later, I will further discuss how to budget efficiently so you can make these important decisions.  All which will influence the way you will live for the rest of your life, whether in debt or cushioned well in the financial aspect of marriage.

The big picture of marriage can seem difficult but if communicated well then you will surely enjoy marriage over the years and hopefully enjoy those “Golden Years” given to you through proper planning. 

"Never spend your money before you have earned it"

Benjamin Franklin

With that, I hope you take the time to go over your finances with your spouse and start planning to have a stable marriage and family.  Please feel free to ask any questions that you may have and be sure to read our other posts about newlywed topics to give you the knowledge you need to know to live a happy, steady life as a couple.

"Sexual Intimacy in Marriage" Book Review

Welcome to our blog! I am so excited to start sharing information with you and thought I would jump in head first and hit a topic that many people cringe to talk about: sex. It’s a touchy topic and something that should be between the spouses, but it does need to be discussed at some point.

Recently I read a book called “Sexual Intimacy in Marriage” by William Cutrer, M.D. and Sandra Glahn, Th.M. This book offers advice for sexual relationships within marriage but also comes from a Christian viewpoint. If reading a book concerning sex that encompasses Christian values makes you a little uneasy, another book that I have sitting on my nightstand but haven’t started reading quite yet is “Passionate Marriage: love, sex and intimacy in emotionally committed relationships” by David Morris Schnarch PhD. The second book, from what I can tell, offers more of an anatomical and psychological take on developing intimacy.

Most of my friends that I am particularly close to are married and because we have been close for over twenty years, there tends to be an over share of information. One thing that was particularly difficult for me when I was very first married was the amount of information shared “between the girls” and not comparing myself and my sex life to theirs. There were some moments where I felt like my husband and I were doing something wrong (or that my friends and their husbands were too) because we weren’t “keeping up” with our friends. Luckily, I recognized that this was damaging my relationship with my husband and was able to stop the pattern before it became a habit.

“Sexual Intimacy in Marriage” begins at the very start by saying, “Every couple, at some time in their relationship if not throughout their years together, will encounter sexual difficulties or transitional times requiring adaptation, change, and flexibility. One of the most damaging beliefs is, “We are the only ones having trouble; everyone else has a perfect love life.” That is totally false.” (page 15)

For me, this was the main point that I would pick out of the entire book that every couple should keep in mind. I feel that with friends sharing information, what media portrays as a good sex life and trying to keep the expectations of our spouse satisfied it is important to remember that our sex life needs flexibility and no two couples have the same sex life.

The book also covers information concerning the male and female anatomy, levels of interest and orgasms, as well as contraceptives, sexual addiction and aging. There is a wealth of knowledge in this book that all newlyweds should be aware of. I also feel that this book clears up many of the “myths” of intimacy that is perpetuated so easily. Again, this book offers insight from a religious perspective. The second book may be a better option if religion is not for you. I can’t say the quality of the information in the second book but I do plan on reading it (maybe it will be a nice spring break read?).

I hope that if you are a nearlywed or newlywed with questions or concerns about intimacy you will consider reading some books. Intimacy is an important part of marriage and is too great to be confused or nervous because things aren’t perfect for a bit.

Who Does What!

Okay, Newlyweds listen up! In order to save yourselves from some arguments and potentially hurt feelings, an important thing to discuss early on in your marriage are the roles and responsibilities of each spouse, both inside and outside your home. You spend so much time deciding on all the little details that pertain to your big day and it is just as important to take the time to discuss who will have what responsibilities once you are married.

I found an article that tied in very well with this subject that will help us recognize the importance of establishing roles that I will refer to throughout the post. Jen Atkinson and Ted Huston wrote it; they are from Pennsylvania State University.

We live in a different world today than the early 19^th century. In those days there was a traditional, sharp distinction between the role of a husband and the role of a wife. Husbands were very active outside the home and were involved in the world through, work, politics, etc. Wives on the other hand, spent most of their time nurturing children, caring for their husbands and maintaining their home (Atkinson & Huston, pg. 330).

As you know today is very different. Women are very involved in the workforce and it is important to discuss which spouse fulfills which responsibilities. The article shared with us that as women join the workforce they spend less time doing their household chores, when compared to homemakers. However, husbands of employed women continue to do the same amount of housework as those whose wives are homemakers (Atkinson & Huston, pg. 331).

You can see how this can become a problem for some couples. It is very important to take the time to discuss responsibilities so one spouse doesn’t feel weighted down. In today’s society quite frequently wives and husbands work an equal amount outside the home but roles inside the home still tend to fall on the wives shoulders. In some couples that is a harmonious way to live! For other couples that can be a source of contention. Don’t leave things up to assumptions and instead communicate. The easy solution is simply to discuss the responsibilities before it becomes a problem.

Some important things to discuss may include:

·      The division of labor outside of the home.
Who will be bringing in the paycheck? Will it be both of you? Why or why not? And for how long? Also, don’t forget things like who will do the grocery shopping!

·      Also, the separation of responsibilities around the home.
I know a couple that as newlyweds, the husband decided he did NOT want to scrub toilets. Together they decided he would instead do the laundry. Even now after being married 25 years and 5 children later he still does the laundry and she cleans the toilets.

And remember you can always come back to your discussion about the responsibilities you and your spouse have established and change them if something isn’t working. Remember that marriage is a lot of change; embrace it. It’s all about give and take. Your spouse loves you and wants you to be happy!

Atkinson, J., & Huston, T. L. (1984). Sex role orientation and division of labor early in marriage. Journal Of Personality And Social Psychology, 46(2), 330-345. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.46.2.330