Friday, March 23, 2012

Book Review: Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps


Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: How We're Different and What to Do About It
By Allan and Barbara Pease

It’s only by understanding the differences…that we can really start building on our collective strengths rather than our individual weaknesses” (pp xv)

This book explains the biological differences between men and women and how those differences affect each other. It also offered many solutions and tips on the best means to approach your significant other in a way that would be complementary to their biological nature. This book is completely backed in research and believes heavily/makes many referenced to evolution.

First off, throughout the whole first chapter they explain that they don’t mean any harm or want to cause a gender war. They believe that men and women have equal opportunity but, through evolution, they are just naturally inclined towards certain things.  They state, “Understanding our brain structure differences makes us more tolerant of each other and allows us to have greater control over our destiny and to feel positive about our inclinations and choices” (pp 184).

I loved all the interesting facts stuffed into this book. Not only has it made me one of those people who randomly states interesting (unrelated) facts while in conversation but it has also changed how I view some of the world. At first I doubted the differences found in this book, but then I actually spent some time around guys and found out the research was right! Through observing and asking questions I found out that many of the differences stated in this book not only are true, but also are so natural that no one even realizes they are there!
For example: In the chapter on spatial reasoning they state, “90% of women have limited spatial ability” in comparison to their male counterparts (Pease & Pease, 1998, pp 102). Because of this women have a hard time with maps-- hence the title of the book. If you are reading this as a woman you might be thinking, “Hey, I can use a map!” BUT, when you use a map do you turn it to face the direction you are going? I know I have to and I thought everyone did this because it makes map reading much much easier. But men don’t have to turn the map, they just look at it and get it! Every woman I asked said she turned the map, and every male I asked said he could just look at a map and didn’t have to turn it. Crazy, right? Ask around if you don’t believe me! Within this chapter they also had a few tests to measure your spatial ability that I found impossibly hard, I plan on asking the guys I see if they can do the tests and I bet their results will be more positive than mine.

The book, however, is geared towards women. It favors women, talks more about their strengths, and actually apologizes when they start to talk about the strengths of men saying, “to some people, this research may appear sexist, because we will be discussing the kind of strengths and abilities at which males excel… later, however, we will look at areas where women have the upper hand” (pp 102). This is also after they have established men as “The Lunch Chaser” and women as the “the nest defender” where they make many references to how limited males are in a modern world because of their brain wiring is better suited for hunting and focused tasks, like playing sports and watching TV, rather than the busyness of modern life. To be honest, I didn’t mind the subtle sexism reading it as a female but I wouldn’t suggest this book to a male who is sensitive about gender differences, as this book is not skewed in his favor.

I also did not really like how the book was written.  In my edition of the book, there is a section called “Eating Out,” talking about how women go out to eat to build relationships and men see eating out as a “logical approach to food” (pp 149). Much to my surprise, three pages later there is the exact same section titled “Going to Lunch” repeated word for word again in another section! I also felt that this book was a little scattered and that they chapters often went off in tangents. Yes, the tangents were very interesting as well, but I would have liked to know more about those, perhaps in their own section. On the bright side, the book was upbeat and very easy to read as it is filled with interesting stories, research, and real life applications.

Overall, this book was very interesting. It was filled with interest facts that made you think twice about your natural inclinations, filled to the brim with interesting facts, and overall an easy read. If you can stand the mild female favoritism and read it with an open mind I think anyone would enjoy this book. I wouldn’t suggest this book if you are looking for specific couple or marriage advice but it is very interesting to read just to generally learn about yourself and those who you have relationships with. I feel that this book could be beneficial to singles, couples and even parents, as we all have to learn about how to communicate and understand the opposite sex.

Pease, B., & Pease, A. (1998). Why men don't listen and women can't read maps: How we're different and what to do about it. New York, NY: Broadway Books.

1 comments:

Mishel said...

What cool information! I have to admit, what immediately got me to read this blog was the thought "hey! I can read maps too!" but I definitely turn it to face the same direction as me. I also love the quote you started with, “It’s only by understanding the differences…that we can really start building on our collective strengths rather than our individual weaknesses”. Too often we look at differences as a way to one-up each other, but it's important to value strengths and recognize that every person brings something to the table.

Sometimes it's hard to see something as simply "different" and not decide it's better or worse but I think it's really valuable to see that while men have strengths and women have strengths there are a lot of areas where people do things differently and there isn't one way that's better than the other. Just different.

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