Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: How We're Different and
What to Do About It
By Allan and Barbara Pease
“It’s only by understanding
the differences…that we can really start building on our collective strengths
rather than our individual weaknesses” (pp xv)
This book explains the biological
differences between men and women and how those differences affect each
other. It also offered many solutions and tips on the best means to approach
your significant other in a way that would be complementary to their biological
nature. This book is completely backed in research and believes heavily/makes
many referenced to evolution.
First off, throughout the whole first chapter they explain that they
don’t mean any harm or want to cause a gender war. They believe that men and
women have equal opportunity but, through evolution, they are just naturally inclined
towards certain things. They
state, “Understanding our brain structure differences makes us more tolerant of
each other and allows us to have greater control over our destiny and to feel positive
about our inclinations and choices” (pp
184).
I loved all the interesting facts stuffed into this book. Not only has
it made me one of those people who randomly states interesting (unrelated)
facts while in conversation but it has also changed how I view some of the
world. At first I doubted the differences found in this book, but then I
actually spent some time around guys and found out the research was right! Through
observing and asking questions I found out that many of the differences stated
in this book not only are true, but also are so natural that no one even realizes they are there!
For example: In the chapter on spatial reasoning they state, “90% of women
have limited spatial ability” in comparison to their male counterparts (Pease
& Pease, 1998, pp 102). Because of this women have a hard time with maps-- hence the title of
the book. If you are reading this as a woman you might be thinking, “Hey, I can
use a map!” BUT, when you use a map do you turn it to face the direction you are going? I know I have to and I thought everyone did this because it makes map
reading much much easier. But men don’t have to turn the map, they just look at
it and get it! Every woman I asked said she turned the map, and every male I
asked said he could just look at a map and didn’t have to turn it. Crazy,
right? Ask around if you don’t believe me! Within this chapter they also had a
few tests to measure your spatial ability that I found impossibly hard, I plan
on asking the guys I see if they can do the tests and I bet their results will
be more positive than mine.
The book, however, is geared towards women. It favors women, talks more
about their strengths, and actually apologizes when they start to talk about
the strengths of men saying, “to some people, this research may appear sexist,
because we will be discussing the kind of strengths and abilities at which
males excel… later, however, we will look at areas where women have the upper
hand” (pp 102). This is also after they have established men as “The Lunch Chaser” and
women as the “the nest defender” where they make many references to how limited
males are in a modern world because of their brain wiring is better suited for
hunting and focused tasks, like playing sports and watching TV, rather than the
busyness of modern life. To be honest, I didn’t mind the subtle sexism reading
it as a female but I wouldn’t suggest this book to a male who is sensitive about
gender differences, as this book is not skewed in his favor.
I also did not really like how the book was written. In my edition of the book, there is a
section called “Eating Out,” talking about how women go out to eat to build
relationships and men see eating out as a “logical approach to food” (pp 149). Much to my surprise, three pages later there is the exact same section
titled “Going to Lunch” repeated word for word again in another section! I also
felt that this book was a little scattered and that they chapters often went
off in tangents. Yes, the tangents were very interesting as well, but I would
have liked to know more about those, perhaps in their own section. On the bright side, the book was upbeat
and very easy to read as it is filled with interesting stories, research, and
real life applications.
Overall, this book was very interesting. It was filled with interest
facts that made you think twice about your natural inclinations, filled to the
brim with interesting facts, and overall an easy read. If you can stand the
mild female favoritism and read it with an open mind I think anyone would enjoy
this book. I wouldn’t suggest this book if you are looking for specific couple
or marriage advice but it is very interesting to read just to generally learn
about yourself and those who you have relationships with. I feel that this book
could be beneficial to singles, couples and even parents, as we all have to
learn about how to communicate and understand the opposite sex.
Pease, B., & Pease, A. (1998). Why
men don't listen and women can't read maps: How we're different and what to do
about it. New York, NY: Broadway Books.
1 comments:
What cool information! I have to admit, what immediately got me to read this blog was the thought "hey! I can read maps too!" but I definitely turn it to face the same direction as me. I also love the quote you started with, “It’s only by understanding the differences…that we can really start building on our collective strengths rather than our individual weaknesses”. Too often we look at differences as a way to one-up each other, but it's important to value strengths and recognize that every person brings something to the table.
Sometimes it's hard to see something as simply "different" and not decide it's better or worse but I think it's really valuable to see that while men have strengths and women have strengths there are a lot of areas where people do things differently and there isn't one way that's better than the other. Just different.
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