A: This week I would like to take the opportunity to answer a reader’s question. It was a very good question and probably one that many have a hard time with.
Just because you and your spouse have a great relationship does not mean that a great relationship with your in-laws will necessarily come easily. It is true though; when you marry someone you marry their family as well.
Your marriage takes work for it to remain the relationship you desire and similarly, your relationship with your in-laws takes work as well. Unfortunately problems with in-laws are quite common, this is why I’m so glad to have an opportunity to give you some tips that will hopefully help.
But, before we get into the tips I would like to discuss exactly why it is so important we work on our relationships with in-laws!
There was an article in the Journal of Marriage and Family that described a study that looked at the relationship between conflict with in-laws and long-term martial success. The results showed that conflict with in-laws and extended family will, “erode marital stability, satisfaction, and commitment over time” (Bryant, Conger & Meehan, 2001). Now doesn’t that put into perspective the importance of working on your relationship with your in-laws?! I hope so.
Now onto the tips! I got a lot of these
tips from Dr. Corey Allan, who is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and
a Professional Life and Relationship Coach.
· Start EARLY.
Don’t wait until you are already married to begin to build a relationship. Also, keep in mind it may be easier to get to know them in small groups. That way you won’t be left feeling overwhelmed and you will be able to focus on each person.
Don’t wait until you are already married to begin to build a relationship. Also, keep in mind it may be easier to get to know them in small groups. That way you won’t be left feeling overwhelmed and you will be able to focus on each person.
· ATTEMPT to get along.
The key to this tip is to make an effort! Relationships with your in-laws are no different than any other relationship, they are two sided. Always remember to be civil and respectful. Find out what your in-laws likes and dislikes are. This is a quick way to find things in common! This tip also includes remembering to never criticize the other spouse’s family behind their back.
The key to this tip is to make an effort! Relationships with your in-laws are no different than any other relationship, they are two sided. Always remember to be civil and respectful. Find out what your in-laws likes and dislikes are. This is a quick way to find things in common! This tip also includes remembering to never criticize the other spouse’s family behind their back.
· PITCH IN and seek and accept your
in-laws ADVICE.
When there is a family gathering, make a point of helping out, your in-laws will notice.
Also, flattery can get you anywhere. Asking your in-laws for advice makes them feel as if their opinion is still relevant and they still have an impact on their children’s lives. Asking for advice makes a person feel valued and that can go a long way when in comes to relationships with in-laws.
When there is a family gathering, make a point of helping out, your in-laws will notice.
Also, flattery can get you anywhere. Asking your in-laws for advice makes them feel as if their opinion is still relevant and they still have an impact on their children’s lives. Asking for advice makes a person feel valued and that can go a long way when in comes to relationships with in-laws.
Well I hope these tips will help
because as we have discussed the relationship with your in-laws in not one to
overlook. It will take some work but it will be worth it!
Bryant, C. M., Conger, R. D.,
& Meehan, J. M. (2001). The influence of in-laws on change in marital
success. Journal Of Marriage And Family, 63(3), 614-626.
Allen,
Dr. Corey. (2009, March 03). 8 tips for improving your relationship with
in-laws. Retrieved from
http://intentblog.com/8-tips-improving-your-relationship-laws/
2 comments:
Having a respectful relationship with your in-laws is really important, and appreciated by your spouse. You gave great suggestions!
This is a very insightful topic and very important in maintaining a positive relationship for all concerned. I like that you mentioned "pitch in". I have noticed that this plays a major part in how our family accepts our new sister in laws. Contributing to family gatherings makes a difference especially when it is your turn to clean up! Thanks for sharing.
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