Okay, Newlyweds listen up! In order to save yourselves from some arguments and
potentially hurt feelings, an important thing to discuss early on in your marriage
are the roles and responsibilities of each spouse, both inside and outside your
home. You spend so much time deciding on all the little details that pertain to
your big day and it is just as important to take the time to discuss who will
have what responsibilities once you are married.
I found an article that tied in very well with this subject
that will help us recognize the importance of establishing roles that I will
refer to throughout the post. Jen Atkinson and Ted Huston wrote it; they are
from Pennsylvania State University.
We live in a different world today than the early 19th
century. In those days there was a traditional, sharp distinction between the
role of a husband and the role of a wife. Husbands were very active outside the
home and were involved in the world through, work, politics, etc. Wives on the
other hand, spent most of their time nurturing children, caring for their
husbands and maintaining their home (Atkinson & Huston, pg. 330).
As you know today is very different. Women are very involved
in the workforce and it is important to discuss which spouse fulfills which
responsibilities. The article shared with us that as women join the workforce
they spend less time doing their household chores, when compared to homemakers.
However, husbands of employed women continue to do the same amount of housework
as those whose wives are homemakers (Atkinson & Huston, pg. 331).
You can see how this can become a problem for some couples.
It is very important to take the time to discuss responsibilities so one spouse
doesn’t feel weighted down. In today’s society quite frequently wives and
husbands work an equal amount outside the home but roles inside the home still
tend to fall on the wives shoulders. In some couples that is a harmonious way
to live! For other couples that can be a source of contention. Don’t leave
things up to assumptions and instead communicate. The easy solution is simply
to discuss the responsibilities before it becomes a problem.
Some important things to discuss may include:
·
The division of labor outside of the home.
Who will be bringing in the paycheck? Will it be both of you? Why or why not? And for how long? Also, don’t forget things like who will do the grocery shopping!
Who will be bringing in the paycheck? Will it be both of you? Why or why not? And for how long? Also, don’t forget things like who will do the grocery shopping!
·
Also, the separation of responsibilities around
the home.
I know a couple that as newlyweds, the husband decided he did NOT want to scrub toilets. Together they decided he would instead do the laundry. Even now after being married 25 years and 5 children later he still does the laundry and she cleans the toilets.
I know a couple that as newlyweds, the husband decided he did NOT want to scrub toilets. Together they decided he would instead do the laundry. Even now after being married 25 years and 5 children later he still does the laundry and she cleans the toilets.
And remember you can always come back to your discussion
about the responsibilities you and your spouse have established and change them
if something isn’t working. Remember that marriage is a lot of change; embrace
it. It’s all about give and take. Your spouse loves you and wants you to be
happy!
Atkinson, J., & Huston, T.
L. (1984). Sex role orientation and division of labor early in marriage. Journal
Of Personality And Social Psychology, 46(2), 330-345.
doi:10.1037/0022-3514.46.2.330
4 comments:
The traditional role of the family does seem be changing. You provided some great information and suggestions to help newlyweds. It is a wonderful idea to discuss roles and responsibilities early; and you are right communication makes all the difference.
Yes, times have changed and for the better! The communication of expectations clearly laid out early on may help to avoid conflict later. This is an excellect post and can certainly benefits couples at any stage of marriage. I also think that parents can play a valuable role in this by teaching their children that their are no boundries when it comes to the houdehold chores.
Peggy
That's very true things are no longer how they used to be. I do think its very important to split up responsibilities. I think that if couples don't then one of them might feel like their carrying all the weight, ultimately, I think this can cause alot of tension between them. However, if they do this early on it would be extremely helpful.
Loved your suggestions in ways to split up responsibilities. I know for my husband and I, as a stay at home mom I tried to do as much housework as possible so when my husband got home we could spend time together instead of him worrying about chores. As our family has gotten older we have had discussions of him wantig to do more and I really appreciate his willingness to help out around the house. Great job!
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