It is necessary a newlywed couple learns how to resolve
conflict. The sooner they do, the better off they will be. It may come as a
shock to some that their “soul mate” has flaws and that as a couple they
disagree about issues after the wedding is over. In this post I would like to
give you some researched based information to solidify the importance of
conflict resolution. Later, I will provide you with some tips in order to
resolve conflict with your spouse more easily.
There was a study done by Sybil Carrere who is both a psychologist
and research scientist from the University of Washington. The article describes
that how the conflict discussion is begun can predict if the couple will remain
married or get divorced in the long run. In fact, the study showed that it is
indeed possible to predict the outcome of the marriage over a 6-year period
from using just the first 3 minutes of the discussion (Carrere, 1999). 3
minutes?! I was very surprised after reading this article. I found myself
reflecting back on the last few conflicts I encountered in my own newlywed
relationship. I ask you to do the same! How did your conflicts begin? How did
they end? Were the two of you able to learn something through the conflict?
A second study agrees and is found in an article from the,
Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. It tells us, “The way couples communicate
during conflict discussions has been found to be a reliable predictor of
marital satisfaction” (Rehman, Janssen, Newhouse, Heiman, Holtzworth-Munroe,
Fallis & Rafaeli, 2011, p. 94).
So there you have it! Not only does conflict resolution predict marital satisfaction but is also predicts the outcome of marriage! If that is not motivation enough to take conflict resolution seriously I don’t know what is.
Now, onto the tips!
·
Prevention. Learn what really bothers your spouse or their
pet peeves and do your best to avoid doing them.
·
Allow each person to freely talk and genuinely listen.
·
Be honest and admit when you are wrong without following it
with but.
·
Be humble, swallow your pride and be willing to make
compromises and adjustments for the good of your marriage.
·
Don’t go to bed angry. Bring back the peace between the two
of you. It isn’t the answer for every situation but it is a good goal to shoot
for.
Remember guys, conflict resolution is something you must
continually work on throughout your marriage. Don’t get stuck in bad
communication habits. Remember you love your spouse and they love you! Nobody
is perfect but don’t loose that desire to always make your marriage better.
Rehman,
U. S., Janssen, E., Newhouse, S., Heiman, J., Holtzworth-Munroe, A., Fallis,
E., & Rafaeli, E. (2011). Marital Satisfaction and Communication Behaviors
During Sexual and Nonsexual Conflict Discussions in Newlywed Couples: A Pilot
Study. Journal Of Sex & Marital Therapy, 37(2), 94-103.
doi:10.1080/0092623X.2011.547352
2 comments:
Very Informational! I really like how you've given techniques of how conflict can be solved.
Chelsey
This was a great post and very informational. I do think that it is important for a couple to figure out how to resolve conflict because it is something that is going to happen in every relationship.
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