Recently I read a book called “Sexual Intimacy in Marriage” by William Cutrer, M.D. and Sandra Glahn, Th.M. This book offers advice for sexual relationships within marriage but also comes from a Christian viewpoint. If reading a book concerning sex that encompasses Christian values makes you a little uneasy, another book that I have sitting on my nightstand but haven’t started reading quite yet is “Passionate Marriage: love, sex and intimacy in emotionally committed relationships” by David Morris Schnarch PhD. The second book, from what I can tell, offers more of an anatomical and psychological take on developing intimacy.
Most of my friends that I am particularly close to are married and because we have been close for over twenty years, there tends to be an over share of information. One thing that was particularly difficult for me when I was very first married was the amount of information shared “between the girls” and not comparing myself and my sex life to theirs. There were some moments where I felt like my husband and I were doing something wrong (or that my friends and their husbands were too) because we weren’t “keeping up” with our friends. Luckily, I recognized that this was damaging my relationship with my husband and was able to stop the pattern before it became a habit.
“Sexual Intimacy in Marriage” begins at the very start by saying, “Every couple, at some time in their relationship if not throughout their years together, will encounter sexual difficulties or transitional times requiring adaptation, change, and flexibility. One of the most damaging beliefs is, “We are the only ones having trouble; everyone else has a perfect love life.” That is totally false.” (page 15)
For me, this was the main point that I would pick out of the entire book that every couple should keep in mind. I feel that with friends sharing information, what media portrays as a good sex life and trying to keep the expectations of our spouse satisfied it is important to remember that our sex life needs flexibility and no two couples have the same sex life.
The book also covers information concerning the male and female anatomy, levels of interest and orgasms, as well as contraceptives, sexual addiction and aging. There is a wealth of knowledge in this book that all newlyweds should be aware of. I also feel that this book clears up many of the “myths” of intimacy that is perpetuated so easily. Again, this book offers insight from a religious perspective. The second book may be a better option if religion is not for you. I can’t say the quality of the information in the second book but I do plan on reading it (maybe it will be a nice spring break read?).
I hope that if you are a nearlywed or newlywed with questions or concerns about intimacy you will consider reading some books. Intimacy is an important part of marriage and is too great to be confused or nervous because things aren’t perfect for a bit.
5 comments:
Kudos to you for bringing up a topic we all want to know about but that we all seem too embarrassed to ask about. Both of those books seem like great places to go for information, and it's comforting to know that every couple has problems with their sex life at some point. Thanks for the post!
Great job bringing up the topic about sex. Although many people do cringe to talk about this topic it is definitely something that needs to be addressed. Both of those books sound like great books that someone can look into if they need a good reference.
They both sound like interesting reads, you'll have to let us know if you read the one on your night stand. I liked that you pointed out that it's important to have boundaries about your intimate life as a couple. Thanks for the advice.
I like the quote that all marriages will have suffer sexual difficulties or transitions at some time. This is reassuring, because it lets you know that intimacy is a process that can improve. This goes along with what I learned in Psychology of Love, that Intimacy is a process and a state.
Cheryl
Cheryl R. wrote the Up All Night post starting with "I like the quote" and ending with "Intimacy is a process and a state"
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